


That place of you

by EgoCentricWhore



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Bad Poetry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27871182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EgoCentricWhore/pseuds/EgoCentricWhore
Summary: This isnt really fanfiction but I wanted to post it here.
Kudos: 1





	That place of you

I remember that place, the same place I go to every night. The place my mind wanders to. My place of comfort, insecurity, fear, and then comfort again. My place of pain that bridges me to my place of happiness. I remember the big, beautiful flowers that filled every inch of land from sea to sea. I remember that cold, hollow place of insecurity and discomfort. The wasteland, empty and dark. That place, full of houses, row after row of empty houses...Full of me and only me. Different versions of me, different versions of you that were also me.

My mind wanders to that place every night, and every night I wish to return to that place of comfort. The fear it beholds is not mine, but a creation of mine. I fear it not. I find comfort in the idea of it, the idea that it is okay with fear, as long as it's not mine.

I return to that place on days of sadness. The desolate fields, long grass, and that one beautiful tree. One day I will reach that tree, and will be happy in a world that is not the one I am forced to remain in now. My barrier, a barrier I choose when to cross. 

It is a symbol of patience, vitality, resilience. You taught me every night with visions of possibility. Yet, they are never visions of control. You focus so much on insecurity, you force out any chance of comfort. You want it so bad, yet you don’t believe in it. You pray for it, yet you don’t believe in it.

How much sense does it make for you? How well does it further your goals. Are you striving for a different connection, or are you desperate for misery? Like vulture you feed off your own pain, like it will help you. You dream of it awake, you dream of it asleep. You beg for it, but you say it's not what you want?

Your goals are far out of your reach in this regard. But they have always been. That's why I believed in you to be able to find a solution. Yet you do not want this solution. Your self-worth is mere and your abilities are doubted.

With love, 

-Ne

My thoughts are out of my control; my desires are out of my control. You ask about my desires, yet you hide them from me. You watch me in pain, yet you desire it more than I. I rely so much on my place of comfort. I fear losing my place of comfort. I do want comfort, yet It is so distant. You make it feel so distant. Yet you are I, and I don’t know what to do without you, I don’t know what to do with you either. 

You are complicated and uncontrollable. You have always been like that, I resist you on everything. I do not want you around, yet you have made me your home.

-Ne

Your doubts are notable and frequent. So frequent. You don’t believe in the alternative possibilities that are available. You set your heart on one. That's your purpose; your purpose is your alternatives to your existence. They are waiting for you to decide. I am waiting on you to decide. You convinced me that there would only be one solution, yet you avoid going through with it. You would rather wait till sorrow overcomes your existence, then you will finally come to your place of comfort in me. 

Wait is all I can do, and wait is all you will do. I will wait for you; I will wait for you to decide. Then we will finally be happy in our eternal place of emptiness and comfort. Where nothing but us exists. You will finally find your happiness in me. I will finally be done waiting for you.

But for now waiting is all I can do. I rest silently, my misery overcomes me as I am waiting for you. But that’s what I exist to do. I exist only for you. That's my purpose. 

I hope you will join me soon. 

Sincerely,

-Ne


End file.
